The second day of Fall....

As we begin our second day of Fall, the morning is overcast and a cool 79 degrees at 7 am...the humidity is at 73 % this morning, but it is not stuffy.  Just one of the differences as we change seasons.  We are forecast for rain today from a front sitting off our coast.  Seems there's another depression forming out around Puerto Rico that the weathercasters are watching...and another spot out in the Gulf.   Hurricane season doesn't end until November 30.  We are beginning to move into our 'dry season'.

Things on the homefront continue to be a bit tense.  I've made an attempt to try and 'make up', but he still wants to shut me out.  He just can't seem to see just how destructive this type of behavior is to the relationship. 

I've been giving quite a bit of thought as to how to cope with my feelings.  These feelings I can only compare to the loss of someone very close and special.  It is like I have had my very best friend die.  Similar to the feelings of loss that I experienced when my Mother and Sister both passed.  Extreme sadness, almost to the point of becoming incapacitated by the sorrow of losing them.  At least with my Mother and Sister, who both died of cancer, I felt they were in a better place and knew they were not suffering any longer.  It was the loss of their presence in my life that made me so sad.  This ache in my heart for my husband could only be greater if he were to die.  We had that close of a bond.

As I sit here and write this morning, the sun has decided to break through the cloud cover, filling the back pasture with golden light as it bounces from tree to tree, casting shadows across the ground and bright spots on the greenery above.  This sight once gave me solace and peace...a bit of joy as I embraced the beginning of each new day.  The sight reminds me so much of the mountain that all I can do today is cry....I just want to go home...home to the mountain and away from the pain in my soul.  I wish I had never come to Florida...I wish I had never allowed myself to fall in love with this man...I wish things were different...