Nothing lasts forever...part 1

Its been seventeen years since my husband and I met. From our very first phone conversation, we seemed to have a deep bond. There was just something about him that drew me to him. Funny part was, I really had no desire to begin a relationship when I met him, I was just barely at the end of my second marriage. By the time we met, I was disenchanted with the idea of love and marriage totally.

I met my first husband while I was a junior in high school. He was an older guy, 22 at the time. We dated until I graduated and then I moved to NC to be with my grandfather who was dying of cancer. During the time I was there, we continued to talk and he moved to GA where his mother lived. We had planned to get married after I got out of school, but then I felt I needed to be with my grandfather. After spending the summer with my grandfather, he asked me to come to GA so we could get married….I went because I was in love.

Almost three years later, my son was born. My first marriage was full of ups and downs, but I managed to hang in for twelve years before I decided I just couldn’t stand being with him any longer. All we did was argue and I didn’t feel that was fair to me or my son. The emotional abuse this man was capable of almost caused me to have a breakdown. As it was, I developed an ulcer and was diagnosed with stress related depression which caused severe headaches, and a feeling of being drugged. All I wanted to do was sleep.

When I left, he was making threats against my life and my son’s. I take threats serious and decided anything that might happen; well he would have to find us first.

My second husband was an abusive alcoholic who decided he needed to traipse across country with the mother of his daughter, instead of finding a job. Stress contributed to heat exhaustion early that summer and I ended up having to leave my job at a paint factory. He was picking up odd jobs that he could reach by walking or catching a ride. He never wanted a driver’s license because he figured as much as he liked to drink he wouldn’t have it long. Such a waste as this guy was really a nice person, until he decided to drink. We went through counseling, AA and I started attending Al-Anon so I could get my own head straight. In the end, he just couldn’t deal with life without drinking or drugs. He died of an overdose just before his 40th birthday a couple of years ago. I’m glad I decided to let go when I did. Sad, we were such good friends, we met at work, and we had many great times together. He was a physically abusive person and I carried black eyes and split lips on a few occasions. If I learned nothing else, I learned to throw a punch and defend myself. I promised him before we separated that if he ever hit me again, I would do my level damnedest to kill him…it was a promise I intended to keep. After having my first husband make death threats, and this one thought I should be his punching bag, I had had enough. I watched my old man beat my mom and made the decision as a young girl that I would never put up with that kind of treatment.

When he left, with the excuse that he was going to go visit his sister, I was ready for things to end. I told him when he left, ‘if I find out you are with A its over…don’t bother to come back’. In the end, his own sister is the one who told me where he was…with A, instead of where he said he was going. The next time he and I spoke, I told him I was filing for divorce. He was begging to come home, saying things would change. I was done.

About a month after we separated, I decided I was ready to begin dating again. Wasn’t wanting anything other than companionship…just a guy I could hang out with, someone to talk to and be with. A friend introduced the two of us and we’ve been together since our first date.

We talked for hours our first phone conversation. I couldn’t wait to meet him and we decided to go out. From the minute we met, it seemed as if the chemistry was there. I remember telling another friend that ‘I think I’m in lust’…couldn’t begin to think about love, so I figured it was lust….I kept telling myself this for months. The first night he told me he loved me I was on a cloud. This was more than I had hoped for, but I felt in my heart that it was right and I already knew I was in love with him.