Maybe

Morning temperature at 7:00 am is 59 degrees, the skies are still full of clouds.  It feels like Fall with the chilly, wet air.  Outside my window, the Chinese Tallow tree is changing colors, from green to a pretty red/gold...the only trees in my yard that give any type of Fall color.  It won't be long before this little tree has dropped its leaves and stands bare.  The only other real color in the yard are the yellowing leaves of the wild grapevines, everything else remains green or brown.  The oaks seem to just go brown as a few drop their leaves sporadically.

With the time change this past weekend, the chickens are in bed now just past 5:30 pm...by 6 pm we are enveloped in total darkness.  By the time hubby leaves for work at 7 am, the sky is already light and the sun is beginning to rise...the chickens are ready to be let out of the coops.  Depending on the temperature, I have been leaving them inside until we hit at least 60 degrees, or until the sun is fairly high in the sky...usually have them out by 9 am.  For now, Ms Red is molting and looking very 'picked' as her new feathers fill in.  Barney has filled back in nicely and is a sharp looking rooster with his black body and white accents.  Ms Piggy looks the same as always, just a plump hen with her pretty black/grey barred feathers.  She still isn't laying and has now passed the one year mark.  The new girls, Patty and Penny, continue to lay regular.  I'm really happy with these two as they lay jumbo size eggs, each weighing between 2.5 ounces to 3+ ounces.  They are very nice brown eggs.  I wish Ms Piggy would lay, as hers should be around the same size and color.

The dogs are enjoying the cooler weather, except for us having to close the door in the evening when it gets chilly.  With the shorter days they aren't getting to run and romp as much with 'dad' right now.  By the time he comes in at night, it has been dark already.  They do at least get to run and romp for shorter periods during the day since I'm home during the day now.  Guess that's one advantage to my not working.

Work...a bit of a sore subject with me at the moment.  Hubby came in a week or so ago and said something about his work slowing down again soon and that I should go get a job as he doesn't think he will be able to find another one.  Say what??  This isn't setting well at the moment.  He seems to act as if he wants me to work outside the house, but the second I have a job and have to work weird shifts, then he wants to act like he's being neglected.  It's quite fine with him if I've worked an eight hour shift, but then when I come in, even after he's already been home for a bit, I should be ready to fix HIM food and do whatever needs doing around here.  My job has never meant anything to him except that HE isn't able to do things because I have to work.  I can't win on that one.  The minute I start working again he will decide it is no longer a priority to put money in the bank...afterall, I will be making money, so he should be able to do with his what he wants.  Can I just scream now?  Some days, I really just don't feel the need to be married to anyone.  I used to think we were working together for our future.  Now I feel like what's the use...

Sounds like depression is creeping back in to cover my world once more with it's thick, dark blanket.  What has happened to the happy, carefree person I used to be?  There once was a time when I could laugh and enjoy life in spite of what was happening around me.  Now I seem to be miserable and depressed the majority of the time.  Is it an age thing, or is it just circumstance?  Maybe someday I'll find the answers...maybe someday I'll be able to see 'the brighter side of life' once more....maybe